Sens at Land’s End

Welcome to Sens at Land’s End’s first ever In-Game Post! Enjoy.

Pregame Remarks

Sens vs. Ducks. The second annual 07 Stanley Cup rematch. Two teams who are … struggling, shall we say, and find themselves in the bottom fifth of the standings. Should be a good one! During the game intro, Dean Brown points out that the Ducks must be very frustrated due to their terrible start to the season (they are 2-5-0). Angry Ducks … well, there’s no way that could possibly end badly.

Christoph Schubert is once again a healthy scratch for the Sens. Could we just trade him already?

Sportsnet treats me to that “Is This the Year?” ad with Sidney Crosby telling us he never wants to be in that photo again. Is it just me or are these ads a bit on the lame side? I read all this stuff about the fabulous new ad campaign the NHL had coming up and I am sorely disappointed. I much prefer the funny ads, like this one. Because who doesn’t want to see Dany Heatley in a mud mask? No one, that’s who.

First Period

18:38: Well, we’re over a minute in and the Ducks have yet to score. Call it a plus. During a stoppage, Gary Galley tells us about something Pat Burns used to say: fiddlers fiddle and dancers dance. I see what he means, but I wonder how it would apply to Vernon Fiddler.

17:09: That jaunty diagonal stripe on the Ducks’ jerseys makes them look rather dressed up. It’s totally inappropriate for a team of their character. Still thinking about the fiddlers fiddle thing, I consider the fact that George Parros is one of the Ducks’ biggest offensive threats so far this season, which makes him pretty much a failure in Pat Burns’ terms.

16:34: One of Sportsnet’s Keys to the Game for Ottawa is that the Sens must “look adversity in the eye,” by which they mean the team needs to learn to go on after something bad happens to them, instead of panicking every time they allow a goal. So far this season they’ve been working the Xander Harris approach: “I laugh in the face of danger! Then I hide until it goes away.”

16:06: The Ducks are called for delay of game. Randy Carlyle seems perhaps unreasonably enraged on the bench.

15:40 or so: Dany Heatley ducks to avoid a high shot from one of his teammates and Dean says something that sounds like the puck has chiclets on it? I don’t know. But anyway, the last thing Heatley needs is more lost chiclets. For the first 90 seconds of the power play, the Sens have good pressure and the Ducks do not manage to clear their zone. This is the kind of power play that gives me heart attacks when the Sens’ opponents do it.

13:38: Auld makes a save! Almost 7 minutes gone and no goals against. I’m feeling good. After a TV time out, we see Heatley and Mike Fisher performing one of their fantastic synchronized spitting routines on the bench. I notice that Heatley has his tooth in tonight. Off the faceoff, Chris Neil fights Parros! Neil gets the takedown, and the Ottawa bench taps their sticks in appreciation.

12:57: The crowd at Scotiabank Place is booing Chris Pronger when he touches the puck. Ha ha, oh Pronger. You are a terrible person.

11:50: Dean argues that despite the Ducks’ slow start, no one thinks they’ve lost their game. We do, however, pray to the hockey gods for that to be the case.

10:49: That little piece of crap Corey Perry tries to hit Anton Volchenkov behind the Ottawa net, but Perry takes the worst of it and goes flying. Volchenkov, being invincible, emerges unscathed.

10:29: As the boos for Pronger start up again, Dean argues that you’d like him on your team and then starts pontificating about how many of the best players of all time have been very dirty players. That’s great, Dean, but I still would never want Pronger on or even in the same room as my team. Do you hear that, Steve Yzerman? Do you?

9:28: Alexandre Picard and his terrible, Crosby-esque moustache do nothing to stop Anaheim’s Brian Sutherby from poking home a rebound and it’s 1-0 Anaheim. Doh!

8:46: Sportsnet conducts an in-game interview with Fisher, who calls the goal “unfortunate.” “Held scoreless in 7 games,” reads the caption under Fisher’s name. Now that’s unfortunate.

8:00: Volchenkov carries the puck to the Anaheim net, then gets off a pass to Heater, who shoots but misses. Is it possible the A-Train is going to provide some offense from the blueline this season? I’m going to say yes, because I don’t feel there is any limit to his supply of awesome.

6:25: The puck goes right through Auld’s crease, and then there is a terrible scramble in front of the Sens’ net! On and on it goes until the net comes off its moorings and the whistle is mercifully blown. Auld is on his stomach in the crease. Yikes. Upon seeing the overhead angle, I don’t believe Auld had a clue where the puck was during most of that sequence. The officials go upstairs to make sure the puck didn’t go in. There is no goal, and the SBP crew plays Gwen Stefani’s “The Sweet Escape” to celebrate. That seems appropriate.

6:15 or so: Gary opines that the team is not looking adversity in the face.

5:27: Jason Spezza steals from Niedermayer behind the Ducks’ net. Good job Spezza! Eventually, Nick Foligno gets a pretty good shot away, but the Sens fail to score.

4:32: Alfie takes Pronger into the boards, which gets a big cheer from the crowd, and me, even though I’m alone in my apartment. Pronger, sportsmanlike person that he is, slashes at Alfie’s legs as Alfie skates away.

First Intermission

Well, I don’t feel too bad about that. Sure, we are down 1-0, but NHL.com has the shots at 11-11 and I felt like there were more panicky moments for the Ducks than the Sens.

Sportsnet gives us a weird random shot of Luke Richardson looking right at the camera between commercials. Thank you Sportsnet. They then actually speak to Richardson, who feels that the Sens struggled after the goal but got it together towards the end of the period. I agree.

I go to prepare my dinner and manage to cut my thumb while opening a package of feta cheese. Excellent. I spend the next few minutes trying not to bleed on my Spezza jersey.

This feature on Alfie’s family is adorable. I awwww over the childhood photos of the captain and Hasse Alfredsson’s stories of his eldest son protecting his sister from bullies. I love Alfie, and I love his parents. I want to be an Alfredsson!

Here’s a Home Hardware ad plugging some tool that’s meant to help you open packages safely. I wish I’d had one of those a few minutes ago.

Second Period

19:10: … and the Ducks score. Wait, what? What just happened? I didn’t see it at all. The replay shows that Todd Marchant somehow batted the puck out of Jason Smith’s hand and it floated into the Sens’ net. I believe that may be the flukiest goal I’ve ever seen. Awesome.

18:27: The Sens go to the power play as Anaheim is called for hooking.

17:36: Heatley makes a rather Spezza-esque play, attempting to carry the puck over the blueline past three Ducks. Lots of giveaways here. The first 45 seconds of the power play looked okay, but the next 30 were not so good.

15:55: Ottawa is called for too many men on the ice. On the bench, Craig Hartsburg has totally hulked out with rage.

14:00: Auld has had a sequence of about three good saves. He’s playing well.

13:00 or so: What’s this I see? Alfredsson, Spezza, and Heatley: together again. Shocking.

12:15: Almost every player on the ice, including the big three, is jammed in a big crowd right in front of the Sens’ net, and somehow the Ducks end up scoring again. Pahlsson should go away. I am now 100% sure this game is over.

9:25: There’s a scrum behind the net as the Sens react to the Ducks whacking away at a puck Alex Auld has frozen. I hate it when teams do that.

9:03: 4-0. The Ducks get a power play goal on a pass to Ryan Getzlaf by poopyhead Perry from behind the net. I yell obscenities at my TV. It’s Getzlaf’s first goal of the season. A few minutes later Sportsnet does an in-game interview with Getzlaf and he says he’s back. Bully for him. I developed some good feelings towards Getzlaf during the World Championships this year but right now I’m not liking him so much.

7:46: Ottawa gets a power play. Gary says the Sens need something good to happen. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

7:34: OH! Heatley takes a point blank shot from right outside the crease but is absolutely STONED by Hiller and then can’t get a stick on the rebound. Heatley appears to be in the thick of one of those slumps he sometimes goes through where he couldn’t even buy a goal. Poor guy. The Sens get some pretty good shots on the power play but no dice.

5:27: Jesse Winchester, aka Winch (that’s what I call him in my head), is really, really good along the boards. It’s his wheelhouse.

3:53: Another power play for Ottawa. Carlyle looks completely not worried. I’m not sure I can even express how much I despise the Ducks.

3:14: The Ducks give the puck away to Heater right in front of the net. He gets a backhand away and all three of Ottawa’s big guns are in there jamming away at the puck, but no goal. Sigh.

2:33: Heatley is looking frustrated on the bench. He watches what I assume is the big screen replay of that last sequence, and looks totally confused about how that puck managed not to go in.

1:25: There’s old Winch taking a lickin’ along the boards, and he still gets the puck.

0:02: The Sens get another power play. They make it through one faceoff and then it’s intermission time. Could that possibly have gone much worse for the Sens? My outlook is substantially less rosy now than it was at the end of the first.

Second Intermission Train of Thought

As much as I don’t like Teemu Selanne, I have to say that he is an extremely good looking man. That is annoying, because I don’t like having positive thoughts about Ducks … Rob Faulds will always be a figure skating commentator to me … Blah blah blah, Joe Thornton, random hockey talk. I half listen, but mostly I’m wondering why I don’t have any alcohol in my place. I contemplate hurling myself off the conveniently-placed cliff across the street but opt for a chocolate bar instead. Maybe I’ll revisit the cliff idea if we lose tomorrow.

Third Period

18:50: The Sens have absolutely nothing going on the power play.

18:06: Antoine Vermette is called for slashing Pronger. That’s nice and all, but oh yay, we’re shorthanded.

17:06: Well, at least the Ducks have nothing going on their power play either.

14:58: Another Sens power play. Niedermayer is in the box.

13:25: And another Ducks penalty. Ottawa now has 27 seconds of 5-on-3 time, which means they’re guaranteed not to score for at least the next 27 seconds. Alfie, Spezza, Heatley, Fisher, and Filip Kuba are the power play unit.

13:13: Hey, Alfie actually scores! How dare I doubt the 5-on-3? (Years of experience, that’s how.) Quick passing from Heatley to Kuba to Alfie, who gets a quick shot from the high slot. Well, at least we’re not going to be shut out.

12:36: Still on the power play, Picard takes a high shot that beats Hiller and it’s 4-2! Good lord! Heatley made a nice play to get the puck back to Kuba at the point as he fell down, and Heatley and Kuba have each assisted on both Ottawa goals.

12:20: The crowd is now loud. I’m feeling reinvigorated myself.

9:46: Spezza loses the puck at blueline, and I think I actually hear booing. Come on now.

9:12: Spezza passes from behind the net to Neil, who is alone in the slot. Neil shoots, and he scores! And we’re within 1! That is Heatley’s third assist of the game, which earns him some praise from Dean and Gary, as well as a mental pat on the head from me.

8:08: I ponder the emotional rollercoaster that is the hockey season. There must be something wrong with me, getting so involved in all this. I hope I’m not mentally deranged. I also hope Auld remains sharp for the rest of the period and manages not to let in any totally deflating soft goals.

7:14: Auld makes a save. Go Auld!

6:21: Instead of yelling at the Sens, I’m now whispering sweet motivational words to them. You can do eeet! Cut their &%@$ing heads off!

5:54: Auld holds on to a puck and another Duck tries to bash it out from under his glove. Now there’s a scrum with Jason Smith and the big three in the middle of it. We’re sticking together! And we all frickin’ hate the Ducks. I feel antsy. Maybe it’s all the sugar and caffeine, as my stress has caused me to devour my whole chocolate bar.

0:49: Auld is out for the extra man.

0:21: Offside against the Sens. This is not looking good. Ottawa takes its time out. Dramatic music plays.

0:00: So much for that.

Postgame Thoughts

I don’t feel like the Sens played that badly tonight. They had some absolutely terrible luck and then they … uh … okay, fine: they failed to look adversity in the face. I still hate losing to Anaheim, but overall this could have been a lot worse. Like 4-0, for example or — even worse — it could have ended up 5-3.

Next up: Toronto. Please, no losing. Please.