Sens at Land’s End

Me, thinking about the terrible history of Ottawa Senators goaltending.

Unfortunately, I was stuck in class for the first period of yesterday’s game against Florida so I couldn’t watch it. I don’t want to let my education get in the way of hockey, though, so I had NHL.com’s RealTime score box thingy at work on my laptop, keeping me informed of all the happenings.

Imagine my joy upon seeing that Martin Gerber had managed not to let in the first shot! It was joy that quickly turned to sadness as he let in the second shot. Sadness which then turned to intense rage when he also let in the third shot. And with that, something inside my brain broke. That goal was, it seems, the last straw for me and Martin Gerber. I can’t take it anymore. I am done. No more making excuses for him. No more “oh well, it was only one bad goal, aside from that he kept them in it.” No more. From now on, he does not even exist. With apologies to Five for Smiting, who beat me to this declaration, Gerber is dead to me. You will never again see me refer to him by name. In fact, you know what? I’m just going to take a moment and erase every single Ottawa goaltender aside from Ron Tugnutt, Mike Bales (he signed my hat once), and I suppose Alex Auld from my memory. That’ll be nice.

More Bad News

In case you hadn’t noticed, the Sens are now fifth in the Northeast Division. Hey, they’re in the top five. Like how I finished in the top four when I went bowling with three friends the other night.

They’re taking on the still totally evil but now also hapless Anaheim Ducks tomorrow. The Ducks are currently one of very few teams who find themselves back of Ottawa in the standings. If that doesn’t make you just a little bit giggly, then you are a much better person than I am. I really hope the Sens can pull out a win. I don’t think I can take seeing them lose to Anaheim right now.

Jason Spezza and Dany Heatley, back when they were allowed on the ice together.

In the wake of the news that Craig Hartsburg, unhappy with the effort he saw from his team on Saturday against Boston (and who can blame him?), has decided to go boldly where no Sens coach has gone before (except because of injury) and split up the beloved and often dazzling twosome of offensive greatness known to me as Heatzza, I found myself wondering how the main players in this whole forced breakup saga were reacting. Was Spezza locked in his video game room refusing to talk to anyone? Was Heatley huddled in a corner crying? I was concerned. Luckily, I obtained* this email exchange between the two players, which gives us some insight into their mental state.

Dear Heater,

Ever since Coach said we can’t play together anymore, I’ve been feeling a little down. My new linemates are Nicky Foligno and Jesse Winchester. I don’t know. They’re cool guys and everything but I’m just not sure they have what it takes to work with my Spezzial passes (haha). I’m inviting them over to play on the Wii later and I’ll try to give them some tips. I don’t want to make them feel bad about being less skilled than me or anything, but I think I should probably prep them a little.

I just don’t understand why we have to be split up! I know Coach said he’s trying to get guys out of their comfort zone, but it’s not like we’re so comfortable that we don’t try, is it? I think we’ve been playing pretty well. Maybe I’m not a very good judge. I told the media I didn’t think it mattered if we played together or not, and I hoped this experiment would work out for the team, but it wasn’t true. I hope it fails and they put us back together in, like, the second period tomorrow (and you know they probably will if we’re losing anyway).

You are my favourite linemate ever. You are the wind beneath my wings, like that song says, except you’re not beneath my wing. You are my wing, literally — I’m your centre and you’re my winger. It’s like fate. Also, I’m worried about how this will affect you. You might not get your 50 this year without me setting you up. You should really get the 50. I know how much it means to you.

Well … I guess I’ll see you in the locker room, if not on the bench. Though I guess I’ll still see you on the ice on power plays! Hopefully the Panthers get lots of penalties tomorrow! And then there’s the Ducks, so we’ll probably see each other a lot. Say hi to Alfie for me.

Your friend,

Spezz

Spezz –

I agree that you will be less effective with 18 and 71 on your line (obviously, they are ok, but they’re no me and Alfie) but you’re gonna have to learn to play without me sometime. I already know how to play without you, as seen at the World Championships. Remember that? I was on the first line and was named tournament MVP, and you were what? Fourth line? That was crazy. And now it’s like you’ve been demoted again. I’m still on the first line (there’s no way a line with me and Alfie on it is the second line!) and there you are on the second. Weird how that keeps happening to you.

Anyway, I think this experience will be good for you. Coach is probably right: we might just be too comfortable playing together. The fact is, I think you kinda take me for granted. Remember that time, it was like a month ago, when TSN was doing their fantasy draft show, and they asked us who we would pick first overall in our fantasy draft, and I said you, and you picked Stupidney Crosby? I mean I’m not still pissed off about that, but it was sort of a dick move by you. If you didn’t take me for granted, you would have thought of me right away, like I thought of you. Friends do that for each other.

As much as I have enjoyed our time together, I think a change will be a good thing right now. I take you for granted too sometimes. I admit that. Okay, I do it often. I know you’re going to get me pucks, so maybe I don’t work as hard as I should sometimes to get them myself. I just wait for you. I’m not being the best I could be with you there feeding me all the time. I am unquestionably awesome, but I know I can still be even better.

So yeah, don’t worry too much about my 50. I still have Alfie on my line, so I’m pretty sure I’ll be okay, especially if we can somehow get Fish going (uh … wish us luck with that one). You will probably have more of a struggle but on the other hand Nick and Jesse have played pretty good so far. You might even learn something from them!

Alfie and I are having a first liners only movie night with Fish tonight. They say hi.

– Heater

PS: I’ve had “Wind Beneath My Wings” in my head aaaaaaaaall day now, thanks so much.

*For “obtained” read “made up because I was bored.”

At last, the Sens are getting back to a somewhat normal schedule, with games yesterday and today. Yay! They started off with what I guess was a satisfactory performance against the Coyotes last night. I say I guess because …

Outage Outrage! My Coyotes fan friend Elle came over to watch the game with me last night. We put on the TV to the correct station and found … a black screen? Yes, there was a highly unfortunate Centre Ice outage in beautiful British Columbia yesterday evening which meant that I only got to see the second half of the game. An offensive outburst from the Sens, including that rarest of sights — a goal by Anton Volchenkov — and I missed the whole thing. Not cool.

No More Nogoalov. How about that Volchenkov! Going to the net, getting his own rebound … the man has unexpected levels of greatness just waiting to be discovered underneath all the obvious surface greatness. He’s an onion of greatness. The team celebration after his goal was, it must be said, adorable. I’m sure hockey players are really far too manly to be called adorable, but there you have it.

Rocks it Like U2! Jarkko Ruutu scored two notably nice-looking goals last night. We knew he had some skills — having witnessed them firsthand in terrible fashion last season — and it was good to see him bringing them out in the cause of good. When he scored, Scotiabank Place PA man Stuntman Stu announced “Jarkko!” while the crowd took over for the “Ruuuutuuuu!” part. Did they plan that? I’ve often thought that Ruutu’s name could replace Marco Polo in the world of call and answer games.

Captain’s Courageous. I was really hoping the Captain would take some time off to heal, but I should have known he can’t be stopped. Alfie, who had two assists in the game, has no need for this “rest.”

Stop PICKING ON US Already! Jason Spezza and Martin Gerber both did their best to get their respective large crowds of haters to lay off a little with pretty good performances yesterday. Well, Spezza’s performance could probably be called outstanding, as he scored two goals and two assists. His first goal, which came on a sharp angled shot after he faked out Ilya Bryzgalov, was a fancy one. But Spezza’s game was generally notable for its lack of fanciness: he was seen dumping and chasing rather than trying to carry the puck into the offensive zone. It will be interesting to see how this develops over the season. As for Gerber, he stopped 34 of 37 shots and managed not to give up any obviously weak goals for the first time this season.

On the Other Hand … It didn’t exactly overjoy me to see the team give up three goals in the third period and come close to blowing a 4-0 lead. I don’t think Gerber could be faulted on the goals, but the team defense sure could. Blown leads are perhaps my biggest hockey pet peeve. I hate them! For that reason, I can’t call this a satisfying win.

Up later today are the Boston Bruins and Tim Thomas, who has a 2.05 goals against average, a .939 save percentage, and three shutouts in his career versus Ottawa. Uh oh. At least the Bruins’ other Sens-killer, Chuck Kobasew, is out with a broken ankle. Edit: This just in. Fernandez to start instead of Thomas! The hockey gods have smiled upon us! Oh happy day!

Teams Who Aren’t the Sens: Dallas Stars

Can someone please explain to me what is wrong with Marty Turco? In the Stars’ first four games, Turco had an awful goals against average of 4.59 and a save percentage of .823. Today, he’s given the Avalanche five goals on 18 shots after two periods. The Stars are 28th in the league in terms of goals allowed right now. Last season, they were 6th. Marty. I’m begging you. Please stop sucking! You and Martin Biron are destroying my fantasy teams!

Saturday’s game against Detroit would have been really disappointing if I had expected Ottawa to win. The Wings had to work out that “we just got a beatdown from the Leafs” humiliation somehow, and sadly their recovery came at the Senators’ expense. Oh well. A few thoughts:

Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day: Just as the Romans had to spend some time developing a strategic plan for their city (presumably), it’s going to take a while for the Sens to perfect Coach Uncle Ben’s new system. I really like the blueprints I’ve seen so far, and I’m happy to watch them struggle through the building process if the result is a strong foundation upon which to create a great empire. (Now that’s what I call a metaphor!)

Fantastic Foligno: Did you know Nick Foligno had the power to phase through solid objects? Because I didn’t know he could do that. I wonder if the Sens knew when they drafted him. Watch it again and again thanks to the magic of the internet:

Whither Heatzza? Um, hello? 15 and 19? Remember the puck, and how you normally show signs of being able to actually use your sticks to control it? What happened to that? I’ll assume this was a one-time thing, and these two will be back to their usual goal-scoring, opponent-scaring, puck-taming antics this weekend. On the other hand …

Who Needs the Ex: when you’ve got a goalie like Martin Gerber to take you on a dizzying, whirlwind trip from highest high to lowest low in the space of a few minutes? I’ve accepted the fact that I will never feel secure watching Gerber play. He never looks calm, or confident, or like he knows what he’s doing at all, but that’s just his style: he can appear totally lost and still occasionally make a big save. The problem is that Gerber will be going along just fine in his weird way until suddenly the bottom falls out and you’re whizzing downhill and upside down at death-defying speed. This quality is a good one in a rollercoaster, but less desirable in a goalie. Note to Gerbs: please, please figure out some way to stop doing that.

Word is Alfie may actually be back in the lineup by the time the Sens play again on Friday. I know his surgery was very minor, but I still hope he’s taking enough time to rest and heal completely. No reason to put him at risk at this point. If he doesn’t come back, there’s a chance Nick Foligno could see playing time with Spezza and Heatley on the top line. Here’s an idea: how about putting Foligno up there even if Alfie does come back?

Holy crap, the Sens have had a lot of time off lately! Thankfully, that’s going to stop as they get into a more regular schedule this weekend. Friday’s opponent is the Phoenix Coyotes, a team whose existence my brother-in-law refuses to acknowledge. Even watching the game will require a bit of doublethink from him as he struggles with the fact that the Sens are playing a game against a team which is not actually there. Meanwhile, I have been keeping an eye on the ‘Yotes, and I think the Sens probably have their work cut out for them: Ilya Bryzgalov has allowed only four five goals in the eight periods Phoenix has played so far this season as of my writing this.

No … that’s not true. That’s impossible! Noooooooooooooooo!!!!

If you are like me, you turned on your computer yesterday morning feeling cheerful enough. You went to dress your fantasy teams for the day, and noticed a little newsblast icon beside Alfie’s name. You clicked on it, then had a mini heart attack and shouted WHAT?!!?????! at your computer as you read that the captain will be out for about two weeks as he recovers from the surprise arthrosopic surgery he had yesterday to remove a bone chip from his knee. My gut reaction –

OH MY GOD WE’RE SO SCREWED!!!! ALFIE COME BACK! ALFIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

– has subsided a little. Two weeks. Not so bad. The team has a pretty light schedule for this week, at least, with only today’s game against the Red Wings between now and next Friday. And let’s face it, this team needs to get over its massive coping issues and learn to play without him at some point, so why not now? Maybe this is the moment when they actually figure out that hey, they can make it around the block without daddy holding on to the back of the bike the whole time. Sure, there might be a few scraped knees along the way, but this is what growing up and finding your own identity is all about.

In Alfie’s absence, Dany Heatley will be acting as team captain. I’m a little surprised he’s been chosen over Chris Phillips, but I’m of course interested to see how he’ll handle the added responsibility. He seems to have been thriving with the A so far. His first task will be to lead the team into battle against the defending champs today at Scotiabank Place. No pressure, though, Captain Heater.

Teams Who Aren’t the Sens: Columbus Blue Jackets

With my shiny new Centre Ice subscription, I watched Rick Nash and company take on Dallas last night and actually beat them 5-4 in overtime! It was very exciting! Nash scored the winner with about 20 seconds to go in OT. The Stars had a 2-1 lead after totally dominating the second — the Jackets got into some very bad penalty trouble and were outshot 15-2 in the period — but Columbus then scored three in the third to take the lead. Dallas was able to come back and tie it with two goals in less than a minute towards the end of the third period. The Jackets just looked like a young team that hasn’t yet learned to play with a lead at that point, and the more experienced Stars pounced on them. It looked bad, and I was quite surprised that CBJ was able to pull out the win. All in all it was a very entertaining game! I’m generally not one to heap praise on the NHL and their marketing people, but Centre Ice might actually be one of the best ideas ever.