Sens at Land's End

Would you vote for a toothless man?

I was discussing DC-area sports teams and the US election with a friend last night, so naturally, I showed her the above photo of Alex Ovechkin. Upon seeing the picture, her response was: “His tooth … I mean … that’s not real, right?”

I was shocked. To me, the gap-toothed look is as synonymous with hockey players as hair worn in buns is with librarians or Princess Leia. The other day, I was Google image searching for pictures of the players on one of my fantasy teams (I have some really boring classes this semester) and I was finding gap-displaying pictures of guys I’d never realized were in the toothless crowd. I started to wonder how many players in the league are actually covering up their dentally challenged status with falsies. It must be a dilemma for them. On the one hand, lost teeth almost seem like a form of street cred for hockey players; on the other hand, missing teeth in normal society, unless you are eight years old, is perhaps not considered to be a mark of class and good breeding. When was the last time you saw a politician or a movie star flaunting his missing tooth? (I’ll tell you: it was in 1994 when Jim Carrey had a cap removed for Dumb & Dumber. Chris Cooper’s missing teeth in Adaptation? Fake.)

Then again, hockey players are quite possibly the only adults who have a decent shot at making toothlessness as a fashion statement look good. Their job gives them a little leeway in this area: we don’t actually expect them to have good teeth, so we’re not shocked when they have dental issues that would seem severely disturbing on anyone else. In fact, the toothless smile of the hockey player often takes on a certain charm. As Keanu Reeves once said, “chicks dig scars.”

But is this statement universally true? I think it’s fair to say that some players pull off the lost tooth look better than others. In the interest of science, I am now going to undertake a survey to determine which players should invest in some dentures, and which should stick with the teeth God gave them and hockey took away. Today, we will take a look at the man who prompted the whole discussion in the first place.

Exhibit A: Alexander Ovechkin

On the left, a young, pristine Ovechkin. On the right, Ovechkin after three seasons of hard living in the NHL.

Tooth Story: Ovechkin managed to live 21 full years with all his teeth in tact. It wasn’t until the Caps’ 2007-2008 season opener against Atlanta that a stick to the face broke his front tooth. The tooth was not completely knocked out, but the leftover piece was removed after the game and Ovechkin has yet to replace it. Totally unsubstantiated rumour has it that the team dentist has raised the issue of fixing the tooth several times, but Ovechkin always mysteriously disappears when an opportunity to do so arises. Could it be that Alexander the Great has a fear of dentists? Maybe, but he might also just like the look.

Dentalysis: If he is just sticking with toothlessness because he thinks he looks good, he’s quite right to do so. The lack of tooth complements Ovechkin’s joyful, childlike, and puckish (ohhhh … no pun intended, it’s just the perfect word for him) personality very well (as did that red tie and vest combination he wore at the NHL Awards this year — see photo). It also lends an extra touch to the unkempt style he’s got going with his scruffy hair and ever-present stubble. And let’s face it, it’s not like losing his tooth spoiled his beauty anyway: Ovechkin is not blessed with a traditionally handsome face and much of his sex appeal — which I promise you he does have — comes from his charisma. The gap does not detract from that quality; in fact, it even adds to it by making his face more interesting.

Verdict: Keep avoiding the dentist, Ovie. Get on your Segway and ride far, far away.

After watching the opening of the 2008-2009 NHL season in Europe this weekend, I think there is one overwhelming question facing the league and its fans this year, and that is: will the hockey media be able to meet the challenge of keeping us completely informed of Sidney Crosby’s every move while also making sure we know where Mats Sundin and Steven Stamkos are at all times? They seem determined to do so, and I for one can’t wait to see whether they pull it off!

The best thing about the Sens playing Sidney Crosby twice in a row this early in the season is the fact that we’ll only have to see the Crosby Show twice more in the next six months. Or at least, that would be the best thing about it if the Sens hadn’t beaten the Penguins’ power play into submission and then sent in Jarkko Ruutu to sit on its head. I know it’s only been two games and it’s a bit soon to judge, but I was very impressed with what I saw of the Ottawa penalty killers this weekend. They were aggressive, and they gave Pittsburgh very little to work with. By the end of Sunday’s game, the Pens were clearly frustrated. It was awesome!

I have nothing original to say about the game — I think the things that stood out to me were pretty much the same things that stood out to other Sens bloggers:

• Very weak play from Martin Gerber in Saturday’s game plus a solid effort from Alex Auld on Sunday and oh joy, every Ottawa hockey fan’s favourite words — “goaltending controversy” — have already made an appearance this season.
• As Senators Lost Cojones prophesied in his totally half-assed season preview (this blog had a no-assed season preview), the Sens brought the pain. Matt Cooke takes down Alfie and turns to find not just the menacing form of Chris Phillips there to confront him, but also the slightly-less-menacing Jason Spezza. Jarkko Ruutu was pesting people all over the place, and when Sid the Kid’s eyes weren’t covered by Ruutu’s ass, all he could see was Jason Smith, smiling and laughing as he bashed him repeatedly into the boards. These new guys? I like them so far. SLC, if this type of thing keeps up, you might have to change your middle name.
• The Swedish crowd had the “Alfie! Alfie! Alfie!” chant going during the third period on Sunday. That was lovely, and I’m so glad Alfie got to have this experience.
• I was none too pleased with Jason Spezza for his overtime gaffe that led to Tyler Kennedy’s game winner on Saturday. Normally I’m a big fan of Spezza and I think I’m quite tolerant of his risky plays compared to most people, but that one just rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was his talk of becoming more defensively responsible that did it: a mistake with such glaring consequences seemed to wipe away all that promise in one moment. At one point on Sunday, though, the CBC commentators pointed out that he had not made a single giveaway during the game. I don’t know if he managed to keep that up for the entire game, but it made me feel better. Anyway, I could never stay mad at him for long.
• So far, I’m a fan of the strategy that has Spezza and/or Dany Heatley taking the ice towards the end of a penalty kill. Two shorthanded goals for Spezza this year (including the one he scored in the pre-season) — I’d call that a pretty good result! Hopefully this will keep on working. I have Spezza on a few fantasy teams and it could really help me out. (And the Sens too, of course.)
• Just as he was last season after two games, Dany Heatley is on pace for 123 goals this season at the moment. (I like to be realistic, however, and do not expect him to score more than 80 or so.) He is also currently leading the league with three goals. Admittedly, 26 of 30 teams have yet to play, and perhaps it doesn’t mean too much to be leading the league at this point. Still, it’s good to go to NHL.com’s stats page and see this:

Alex Auld is also the NHL leader with a .968 save percentage, while Filip Kuba leads in assists.

But back to Heatley, and the introduction of a new feature in this blog. Taking a page out of the playbook of one of my favourite TV shows, ABC’s time-bending supernatural desert island what the hell just happened drama Lost, I now present the first instalment of Dany Heatley Appreciation: Recognizing Moments of Awesomeness or,

DHARMA Initiative: Episode I – Pilot

All three of Heatley’s goals this weekend exemplified the things that make him such a potent scorer for this team. The first goal was a little of that old Heatzza magic, as Spezza found Heatley in the slot and Heatley took one of those shots that make you wonder how the heck he aims them so precisely. The second goal was a garbagey one, with Heatley using his Spidey sense for scoring chances to spot a loose puck and then bash away at it until it made its way underneath Marc-Andre Fleury and into the net. And the third goal was a typical flashy Heater goal: the one-knee one-timer that he was working so well in the World Championships this year, the type of hard shot that you have to think the goalie is just happy not to have hit him. Yes, all these moments were awesome. But perhaps the single most awesome Heatley moment occurred in Sunday’s game when Heatley seemed to channel his teammates Anton Volchenkov and Jason Smith, and went down to block a shot. “Fearless!” the commentators exclaimed. Sens fans everywhere, after verifying that their 50-goal man had not sustained any kind of season-ending injury while committing this courageous act, held their hands over their hearts with pride. Or maybe that was just me. Yes, so far, our new alternate captain is taking his stated desire to do more than score goals pretty seriously, and it’s a beautiful sight to behold.

So, two games in and I’m a happy little Sens fan. Welcome back, hockey! Next up: the Stanley Cup Champion Detroit Red Wings. No problem!