Sens at Land’s End

Alex Auld sits by his Christmas tree.

Christmas is less than three weeks away and I’ve been thinking: I wonder what sort of thing the Sens would like for Christmas. What could I, as a fan, get for the players that would show them how I feel about them? In the spirit of the holidays, I’ve decided to go with that train of thought for a series of posts I’m calling …

Christmas for the Sens!

Pretty creative title, don’t you think?

We’ll start with the last line of defense, a man who has been something of an unexpected gift to Sens fans himself.

Alex Auld

When Alex Auld signed with Ottawa, I figured we were getting a nice backup goalie. Someone who maybe wasn’t going to make a huge impact, but who at least wouldn’t drive us all insane. He’s turned out to be so much more than that. Sure, we’re only a quarter of the way through the season or so and we have no idea if he can keep this up, but to this point I think Auld can be described fairly and without hyperbole as amazingly brilliantly wonderfully fantastically awesometacular. He has surpassed anyone’s wildest expectations, probably including his own. And he has brought hope to an entire generation of Sens fans, who thought they would be stuck with crappy goaltending forever. Today, during the Sens-Pens game, he made a big save to prevent the Penguins from tying it up during the last two minutes of play. I can’t remember the last time I saw a Sens goalie do something like that. It looks like — I’m sorry, I’m getting a little emotional. But it looks like we might actually have … a good goalie. I’m going to pause here while you let that feeling wash over you.

And we’re back. Really, the only person other than Auld who can bring on these kind of warm, fuzzy, despair-free feelings is that other great icon of hope, Barack Obama. So, I thought: what could be a more appropriate gift for Auld than this lovely Barack Obama “Hope” poster? Nothing. But I’m also throwing in this snazzy Ottawa Senators logo necktie I made, which symbolizes the fact that, thanks to him, the Sens no longer have to resort to playing a tie in goal because one of their goalies is such a prima donna that he doesn’t show up for practice. Have a great Christmas, Auldinator. You deserve it.

Alex Auld’s Backup

• An Obus Form back rest, to prevent him from getting the kind of neck pain I always get when I’ve been spending too much time sitting on my ass watching hockey.
• A portable DVD player, so he’ll have something to do on the bench.
• Some DVDs, so he’ll have something to watch on his portable DVD player: The X-Files: Ultimate Collection, a 61-DVD box set containing all nine seasons of The X-Files and the first X-Files movie; the newly-released movie The X-Files: I Want to Believe; and all four seasons of Lost (I have pre-ordered season four). It’s the ultimate in mind-bending, what the hell just happened? television. This gift will keep him not just entertained, but also perpetually confused. He’ll spend practice time wondering why Locke’s father was in the magic box and where the fluke man came from in the first place, which will prevent him from dwelling on the fact that he never gets to play anymore. I think he’ll like that.

Backup goalie, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.