Sens at Land’s End

I decided to invite Dany Heatley to my birthday party.

I asked him if he’d like to come, and he said he’d definitely be happy to be there. Then he asked me when it would be. I told him the date, but he said he’d need more options: a list of potential dates to choose from, or he couldn’t possibly decide whether to attend.

I told him I only had one other possible date, and that didn’t work for him. He said okay; he’d come on the original date if he had to, but he’d still rather I changed it to something else.

Then he said he didn’t really envision himself in the role of “guest” at my party. He’d hoped to play a more “integral” role in the gathering. I told him fine, you can be my date and co-host, and help greet people. At first, he seemed okay with that idea. After a while, though, he said he wanted to have the party for his birthday instead of mine.

I put my foot down. It’s my freaking birthday, after all. “If date/co-host isn’t good enough for you,” I said, “maybe you can just go back to being a guest.” He didn’t really respond, but I got the feeling he wasn’t going to give up the co-host role that easily.

Well, at this point I’d had enough. What do I want a sulky co-host for? I called him up and said I’d thought of an even better and more important role for him to play at the party: entertainment! I figured he’d like that because it would put him in the spotlight. He did, but he asked if he could still be my date and keep the title of co-host too. I said fine, whatever.

The day of the party arrived and Heatley showed up. He went up on stage to do his thing, and even though he came up with some good material everyone threw things at him and booed him constantly. It was very entertaining. Meanwhile, I ignored him all night and let Dustin Penner, Andrew Cogliano, and Ladislav Smid drive me home.

(Credit to Dan for inspiring and unwittingly help compose this post via Twitter.)