Sens at Land’s End

Gary Bettman does stupid things pretty much every day, so I think hockey fans are used to it. But forcing injured players to attend the All-Star Game kinda takes the cake.

As we all know, hockey players have a different standard of what “injured” means depending on the importance of a game. You would think that after years of working with these guys, Bettman might understand that by now … if you weren’t familiar with Bettman. It makes perfect sense that Steve Mason or Henrik Zetterberg can play in a game that has actual meaning for his team and still be too hurt to go to a totally meaningless exhibition game. As a fan, I would be pretty pissed off if Dany Heatley went to the ASG and aggravated an injury. It’s not there isn’t a very recent example of a player getting hurt during this type of event.

The NHL has already ensured that the All-Star Game is a huge joke by allowing fans of certain teams to use automated voting scripts to ensure that their players made the starting lineups. I would bet money that they failed to crack down on this solely so they could point out that certain players got “record numbers” of votes this year. Is it any wonder some guys don’t want to go? The whole thing is a complete farce.

Personally, I have enjoyed the All-Star Game in the past, but I don’t know if I can watch this year. My reasons are mainly related to my hatred of Montreal fans — if I do watch I’ll likely have to mute the TV to avoid the “Ole” chant; the ludicrous fan voting has only added to my hatred of them — but this year the NHL is really pissing me off. I wish none of my favourite players were going to be there so I wouldn’t feel any obligation to watch at all, but I’ll be annoyed with myself if Heater or Rick Nash does something awesome and I don’t see it.

I guess I will probably still watch, and I’ll just hope the following things happen:

• Carey Price allows 8-10 goals.
• No one from the Canadiens gets a point.

I am unclear on whether Crosby is being forced to play, or merely to attend — presumably so we aren’t all deprived of his glowing personality and fascinating commentary from the sidelines (”Oh, Ovechkin is a great player, no doubt. Kovalev is fantastic, too, for sure. Heatley is definitely a skilled player. He can hurt you if you give him the chance!”) — but if he does play, wouldn’t it be ironic if he hurt himself enough that he misses the rest of the season? Then how would Bettman feel? The precious! The precioussssssssss!!!

Jarkko Ruutu has been suspended two games for biting the Sabres’ Andrew Peters. I don’t know about you, but if Andrew Peters stuck his hand in my face like that, I’d probably bite him too. Perhaps this makes me a bad person.

Matt Carkner has been recalled from Binghamton to fill Ruutu’s spot in the lineup.

Ruutu’s antics, shockingly, have the Sens being covered by Sportsnet Pacific on the night when the bald Swedish messiah rides in on his white horse to … do whatever he’s going to do to elevate the Canucks to a new level, I guess, or possibly just cause name confusion with the Sedin twins.

The west coast is also taking an interest in the potential management shakeup in Ottawa. Eugene Melnyk says it’s not happening … sort of … or does he? It’s not exactly a ringing endorsement.

I’m left with several nagging questions. Will I wake tomorrow to find Pat Quinn and Bob Nicholson in charge? Or might I instead find Quinn in Pittsburgh? Do the Sens have a chance of beating the Bruins tomorrow? Well, maybe that one’s not so hard to answer.

But now I’ve really got to go: a chorus of boos informs me that Sundin has just set foot on the ice. I don’t want to miss his first shift!

Today’s game featuring the Senators and the New York Rangers is a matinee: a noon start for those of us living where the mountains meet the ocean. Other notable facts about today’s game:

• This will be Wade Redden’s first regular season game in Ottawa since leaving the Sens.
• The Sens will be “back in black,” as they unveil their new black third jerseys to the world. With their new moustaches also in tow, the Sens should look like a particularly silly scary biker gang on skates.
• Members of the Ottawa Bloggers Collective will, for the first time ever, attempt a joint live game blog. Confirmed participants include Dany Heatley Speedwagon and Sherry of Scarlett Ice, Al from Hockeyschlock, The Universal Cynic, and myself. No word yet from Senators Lost Cojones — he may still be in his rage coma after last game. Head over to this post at Scarlett Ice if you feel like joining the fun! Well … hopefully it’ll be fun. Go Sens!

I have plenty of schoolwork I could be doing, but there’s just so much hockey today. I’m giving a look to the first period of the Canucks-Penguins game, then obviously the Sens game, then I’ll watch the Blue Jackets — quickly becoming my second favourite team — take on the Thrashers, and then perhaps Detroit-Calgary or Washington-San Jose.

Ahhh, Saturday.

Edit: Wow … less than a minute into the first at Vancouver-Pittsburgh and there’s already been a line brawl after Matt Cooke put a low hit on Alexander Edler. ‘Tis clearly a good day for hockey.

In case you missed it, the Montreal Canadiens — “the class of the Eastern Conference” — lost 6-3 to those lowly Toronto Maple Leafs last night. (I say lowly, but don’t look now, Sens fans: they’re ahead of our guys in the standings again!) The Leafs outshot the Habs 41-20 in the game. Montreal coach Guy Carbonneau was not happy at all with his team’s effort, calling it “the most embarrassing game I’ve ever been associated with.”

A terrible loss to an inferior team that is also a bitter rival. An angry coach. Two days off to let it simmer before their next game. Man, I would hate to be the poor suckers who have to play the Habs next!

… crap.

Searching for reasons to be optimistic, I come up with the following: the Habs may be without Tom Kostopoulos on Tuesday, as the NHL is considering disciplinary action over a nasty hit he laid on Toronto’s Mike Van Ryn in the first period. Van Ryn will miss time with a concussion, a broken nose, and a broken bone in his hand. What is it about Van Ryn that makes people want to hit him so hard? Is he really irritating? No doubt the loss of Kostopoulos and his two points on the season will be a crushing blow to the Canadiens.

Also, Montreal has been having penalty trouble lately. The article I cited above says they’ve been shorthanded 38 times in their last five games. The Sens’ power play is still ranked fourth in the NHL; if they can get it going then they might be in good shape.

And then there’s always the slim chance that this loss to the Leafs, rather than causing the Habs to turn themselves around, could be the game that sends them completely off the rails. They fall apart, and the Sens are there to capitalize. I’m hoping for that.

Rumour! Speculation! Innuendo!

Bruce Garrioch has an article in the Sun today detailing a few possible trade scenarios which may or may not involve the Sens: Atlanta could want to move goalie Kari Lehtonen; the Panthers might want Antoine Vermette in return for Jay Bouwmeester (poor Vermette — the annual trade rumour circus is in town already); Mattias Ohlund could be leaving Vancouver. I’m not sure what to think of the Ohlund rumours. Ohlund is the longest-serving Canuck and he has a no trade clause, but Darren Dreger also reported this story on TSN this week, which somehow gives it more credibility.

Another tidbit from the same article: just when we thought he was gone for good, Ray Emery has returned to Ottawa for a visit. But I’m sure his influence couldn’t possibly be so toxic that he’d cause a team he isn’t even part of anymore to lose its mojo simply by coming in contact with some of the players. That seems a bit much, even for Mr. Locker Room Cancer.

Would you vote for a toothless man?

I was discussing DC-area sports teams and the US election with a friend last night, so naturally, I showed her the above photo of Alex Ovechkin. Upon seeing the picture, her response was: “His tooth … I mean … that’s not real, right?”

I was shocked. To me, the gap-toothed look is as synonymous with hockey players as hair worn in buns is with librarians or Princess Leia. The other day, I was Google image searching for pictures of the players on one of my fantasy teams (I have some really boring classes this semester) and I was finding gap-displaying pictures of guys I’d never realized were in the toothless crowd. I started to wonder how many players in the league are actually covering up their dentally challenged status with falsies. It must be a dilemma for them. On the one hand, lost teeth almost seem like a form of street cred for hockey players; on the other hand, missing teeth in normal society, unless you are eight years old, is perhaps not considered to be a mark of class and good breeding. When was the last time you saw a politician or a movie star flaunting his missing tooth? (I’ll tell you: it was in 1994 when Jim Carrey had a cap removed for Dumb & Dumber. Chris Cooper’s missing teeth in Adaptation? Fake.)

Then again, hockey players are quite possibly the only adults who have a decent shot at making toothlessness as a fashion statement look good. Their job gives them a little leeway in this area: we don’t actually expect them to have good teeth, so we’re not shocked when they have dental issues that would seem severely disturbing on anyone else. In fact, the toothless smile of the hockey player often takes on a certain charm. As Keanu Reeves once said, “chicks dig scars.”

But is this statement universally true? I think it’s fair to say that some players pull off the lost tooth look better than others. In the interest of science, I am now going to undertake a survey to determine which players should invest in some dentures, and which should stick with the teeth God gave them and hockey took away. Today, we will take a look at the man who prompted the whole discussion in the first place.

Exhibit A: Alexander Ovechkin

On the left, a young, pristine Ovechkin. On the right, Ovechkin after three seasons of hard living in the NHL.

Tooth Story: Ovechkin managed to live 21 full years with all his teeth in tact. It wasn’t until the Caps’ 2007-2008 season opener against Atlanta that a stick to the face broke his front tooth. The tooth was not completely knocked out, but the leftover piece was removed after the game and Ovechkin has yet to replace it. Totally unsubstantiated rumour has it that the team dentist has raised the issue of fixing the tooth several times, but Ovechkin always mysteriously disappears when an opportunity to do so arises. Could it be that Alexander the Great has a fear of dentists? Maybe, but he might also just like the look.

Dentalysis: If he is just sticking with toothlessness because he thinks he looks good, he’s quite right to do so. The lack of tooth complements Ovechkin’s joyful, childlike, and puckish (ohhhh … no pun intended, it’s just the perfect word for him) personality very well (as did that red tie and vest combination he wore at the NHL Awards this year — see photo). It also lends an extra touch to the unkempt style he’s got going with his scruffy hair and ever-present stubble. And let’s face it, it’s not like losing his tooth spoiled his beauty anyway: Ovechkin is not blessed with a traditionally handsome face and much of his sex appeal — which I promise you he does have — comes from his charisma. The gap does not detract from that quality; in fact, it even adds to it by making his face more interesting.

Verdict: Keep avoiding the dentist, Ovie. Get on your Segway and ride far, far away.